“O boy! See this chic. The
girl set like settee. See shape now. This girl na quadrilateral I swear he be
like make i just dey calculate angles wey dey her body.”
“By the time I whine am for him. hin papa go die today. Na military approach
I go use Both frontal and rear assault. No one can behold it without being an
emotional casualty forget ooooo.
After leaving the
bathroom, he picked up his phone and sent a text to his friend. The message
reads ‘’Olu , I will be needing your car in the next one hour. I just caught a
fish that must not escape. Am counting on you padi. I should have called but i
dey soak my mouth presently. Thanks in advance’’.
The sound of her name brought
her back to reality. She has been lost in thought over her date with Steve
later that night and how she intend to maximise it.
“Clara, You have been
in front of that mirror for over two hours. Tell me Babe what is going down?”
Ada inquired. “Nothing much ooo, I met this guy online today and we are going
on a date tonight” Clara replied. Ada
was very excited on hearing this. She walked towards the mirror and helped her
friend with the makeup and other necessary transformations. Both of them knew
she has to look like the heavily photoshoped picture she used online. It was a
really tedious task trying to transform her.
“I think you need to apply that blush over there, can you fix that it’s
too thick, let it come down a bit can you mascara my nose for me cos there was
a shadow in the online pix. And pls get me some candy my tongue needs to be
pink. This white patches on my tongue na bad market. Who say make this pimples come out today can you make it look
like dimples and that stretch mark
please add some pancake so it will blend. I think my hair is too hard let’s add
more oils to make it curly. I think my nails are rusty can you fix that and that
heat rash on my neck. Help sandpaper i"t. By the time they completed all the
manipulations Clara was surprised at the stranger in her own mirror. She couldn’t help but laugh at the depth of their deceit. She turned to her friend and
hailed her “Indeed you are a genius”
Their date is slated
for 7pm. The plan is for Steve to pick her up at a rendezvous after which they
will go straight to the eatery Clara picked. Trust ladies, she picked a really
expensive outlet for the occasion. An eatery where you pay even for using
toothpicks. Everything went on as planned. By 7; 16 pm Clara showed up at the
rendezvous and they drove straight to Pocket confidence cuisines. It was a good
date overall. Their discussion span through several areas. Clara really enjoyed
the date. In her mind she has already fallen for Steve’s sense of humour and
confidence. On the other hand, Steve too is fascinated with her gorgeous
appearance. They finished their meal and Steve walked her to the car. Before he ignited the engine, he bent over in
an attempt to initiate a kiss. Clara got the signal and smiled invitingly. It
was a time for him to feast on her vanilla flavoured lip stick. “We had better
go. Its getting late” Clara said as she broke the kiss. Steve retreated with a
smile. “Well the night is still young. I planned a two phase date. We just
ended the first phase. The second phase will be at my apartment.” Clara tried
to put up some weak resistance before she succumbed to his demand. Steve was
very happy in his mind he has conquered, He fired the engine and backed out
into the streets and headed towards his apartment. The cloud is gathering and
it is obvious that it is going to rain. Steve switched to gear five in an
effort to get to his house before the rain started. “hope my driving is not
scary?” He asked as she turned to her. She
replied with a grin “well, I am trying to cope”. Suddenly the car begins to
jerk. Steve was shocked. It was a really wrong time for the car to break down
because the rain has already started amidst heavy wind. “It can’t be fuel I just filled the tank” He
tried to calm Clara “It’s okay Baby let me just look at the battery terminals”
he got down inside the rain tried to do some manoeuvre with the battery and the kick starters and tried
to start the engine again The engine still refuse to come up. By then his
clothe has been heavily drenched. The starched shirt has deflated in ego and
its already sticking to his body firmly. Obviously He is disturbed. The car is
messing up his plans. Clara was trying to hide her impatience so she was
putting up some false sympathy for the situation at hand. The rain made it
difficult to see anyone to render help. His
best option is to push the car and jump start it. The problem is there is no
way he could push the car alone not to now talk of pushing a fully grown adult
with it. Clara had to come down. “Baby I am going to inconvenient you a bit please
can you come down for some minutes while I push this car to start ?” She has no
choice but to get down in the rain amidst the heavy wind. She couldn’t do
anything to help she was trying her best not to be irresponsible or a gold
digger otherwise she would have flagged down one of the approaching vehicles
and leave the scene. With a super effort Steve pushed the car down the road
jumped into it, manipulated the clutch and the engine came back to life. He heaved
a sigh of relief as he revved the engine. He reversed to pick the heavily
soaked Clara so they can continue their journey. Steve kept on apologising for
the hitch. Clara too was uncomfortable with her current state. The rain had
washed off all the foundations. The wrinkles are coming back to view The wind
has destroyed the outline of her hair thereby making her oblong forehead to be
visible. The rain has exposed her. Steve hasn’t discover yet He was focusing on
the road so they could get home safely. In minutes Steve pulled up at his
apartment ‘Thank God’ He exclaimed as he turned to Clara. He switched the inner
light on to behold the face of his angel. He was surprised at the stranger he
saw. Could he have picked the wrong person? Nevertheless he hid his
disappointment and said “Baby are you alright?” Not until then he didn’t
realise he is also done for. The effect of the mouth wash has waned. His toxic
mouth odour is back. Both of them are
gradually seeing each other in the real sense. A look of exhaustion is seen on
Clara’s face. She has encountered enough for a night ‘You know what Steve can
you drop me off in my place then we fix another date. Am already tired” She
said. ‘I understand you” Steve replied trying not to open his mouth too wide so
as not too aggravate the current situation. He attempted to turn on the
ignition but the engine refuse to splutter. They finally agreed to get a bike
to convey Clara home. They both walked to the main road and waved a bike man.
Steve paid the man and they bade each other goodbye. Steve entered his
apartment heavily disappointed. Surprisingly despite the way events turns out
he still feels something strong for Clara. He picked up his phone and sent a message...
“Baby
I still love you for who you are. Hope you will take me as I am too. Pardon my
deception. You could have backed out when i exposed you to the rain yet you
still tarried. More than the blush or mascara. My love is greater than all of
those please can we go on a better date tomorrow”
She replied him after
one hour.....
“Steve I love you too. I
appreciate you a lot. I know your deceptions were targeted at making me
comfortable. Pardon my deceptions too. I appreciate you a lot. My love is
greater than your breath. I will be waiting at our rendezvous tomorrow. Let’s go
for a real date this time. Good night dear.”
THE END
I am @asiricomedy on
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